Goodbye 2013. Hello Future. Part 1.

How is it possible that so long has passed between now and the last time I blogged?

Its not hard to tell I'm not your average blogger.  I have a busy life even though I don't hold a paying job.  Between two active girls, a husband on the mend, a huge house to care for, and quite frankly, my own issues that have gone unresolved for so long, I simply have not made the time to be here, spewing my inner-most thoughts.  I still have little desire to do this everyday but so many people keep telling me I should have a blog, so at least I'm going to try.

To begin, I'm thinking I should at least bring you up to date on what happened the rest of 2013.  I believe I left off with Jessica's broken arm........

Shortly before Halloween both girls decided to bomb me with the "I don't want to be Tinkerbell" statement.  This, normally would not have been an issue, however; I had already made the skirts, shoes, and was working on the wings.

Not to worry though, I managed to appease them with Fall Fairies instead, in which I managed to save the costume already in progress but tweaked it a little for the change.  And so we went from Tinkerbells to this.......and they even got an award for "Cutest Costumes" at the TaeKwonDo Halloween party.

Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday so its no surprise I go all out on decor.  Well, at least I try.  This year I added some new stuff and by the end of Trick or Treating that night I was hearing all kinds of compliments on the house.  So happy everyone loved it and I am really hoping next year will be even better.

Now, let me digress a little here, because shortly after Jessica broke her wrist the girls were to graduate TKD belts.  As scheduled, Samantha graduated on time.  So proud of our new Purple belt.  Clearly she was proud of herself.  Jessa, since she had JUST broken her arm, had to wait a week so we could get a modified graduation for her.  Since she was not able to break the board with her arm she was allowed to do it with a kick, and I had to hold hand just as a precaution - didn't want her to fall on her arm and risk surgery.  By the end of the evening we had a new Yellow belt in the Lee household.

So very proud of  both our girls for their continued hard work and dedication to doing their best.  

Shortly after both girls graduated belts in TKD they were off doing cheer-leading (something we had signed them up for before the broken arm incident).  Thankfully the coach was nice enough to allow Jessa to stay in and even modified some of the tumbling to accommodate her arm.  Yippee.  

They practiced hard and learned a lot of routines, and judging from the smiles on those faces I'd say they had a blast doing so.  The course was for eight weeks only but the entire squad was asked to return and perform at the Winter Festival.  All those cute elementary school cheer-leaders !!!  

Ya know, the Lee girls really do get to do a lot of stuff.  Samantha has done gymnastics, has swimming lessons, did a season of baseball, joined cheer-leading, and is still an active participant in TKD.  Jessica has done gymnastics and cheer-leading and is also still active in TKD.  Both girls have participated in the National American Miss Virginia State Pageant and came away as state finalist.  At seven and five years old they really have done a lot.  But we're not stopping yet.  

Jessica has said she wants to try soccer and baseball while Samantha has said she wants to do baseball again.  Neither one has a desire to do the pageant again but both have said cheer-leading was fun and they would do it again in the spring if they could.  So apparently we are going to have another busy year.  

Somewhere in between all the TKD lessons, the cheer-leading lessons, Halloween, school, and whatever else was going on Jessica finally got her cast off and was down-graded into a brace.  Two weeks later and that was no longer needed.  Now she is back to being our wild child - cute, loveable, and super sweet.  

This little girl even got to celebrate her 50th day of kindergarten at school with a special 50's Day party.  The poodle skirt is one a neighbor friend made for Samantha when she was celebrating her 50th day and the leather jacket was a jewel of a find that same year.  Together, with a plain shirt underneath, the Lee girls really know how to rock the 50's style.  

Shortly after the cast came off came Thanksgiving.  I really hate that we didn't get any pics other than the one of the girls at the pumpkin patch.   At any rate it was a nice meal and pleasant company.  And I really am starting to feel like the wall between mom and I is disintegrating.  It took me almost 10 years to let go and just let things be and I am very glad I have finally started to make myself feel like part of the family instead of always finding a reason to create an issue where none was before. 

Thanksgiving gave way to Christmas and for the first time in years I actually got to plan and host an event at our house.  I was so super excited that John had finally given in and let me do this but in waiting so long between events I was a complete mess.  Dinner was no where near done in time so mom and Michelle both helped me with the food.  Wouldn't you know it, the amount of veggies I prepared weren't nearly enough to feed five adults and two kids, but somehow we managed to pull it all together and in the end it was a really nice day.  

Every year we get to see Santa ride through the neighborhoods on the fire trucks, throwing out candy.  This year....we missed it.  We had decided to get our tree the day before Santa was to come through so imagine our disappointment when we found out they had changed the schedule.  And the girls, for the first time in four years, missed Santa.  We didn't even get pictures taken at the Mall with Santa.  What we did do this year was something even better.  I managed to land four tickets on the Santa Train and Samantha and Jessica got to meet and talk to Santa and Mrs Clause.  The experience was pretty awesome and they loved having Santa and Mrs Clause come through and sit with them and talk to them.  An event we may have to repeat for as many years as they continue believing in Christmas.  

 I wanted to do something meaningful for mom this year and knowing she has been after us for years for pics of me, John, and the girls I finally got around to making that happen.  With Michelle's help I pulled together a small stack of photos of the immediate family, including our beloved and dearly missed Papa Jack (mom's dad who passed in September 2012 from cancer).  It was my goal to get an emotional reaction out of mom because I rarely ever see her get anything but uptight at either John or Jim (Papa, as the girls call him) so to see mom sitting on the floor with tears in her eyes was kind of like a victory for me.  At long last I managed to see mom's vulnerability and she instantly became less robotic and more mom.  Of course, leave it to me to ruin the moment by making light of the fact that I got mom to cry - brilliant move Janette.  Sometimes I'm just too mouthy for my own good.

And leave it to Michelle to get me back for that.  I was completely blown away by this absolutely treasured necklace and pendant she gave me.  A beautiful modern design of a family of four holding hands in a circle.  And I cried - because I felt horrible at the lack of thought that went into her gifts after knowing she went out of her way to do this for me.  

Next year, however, will be a lot different.  Mainly because come hell or high water I am not going to let everyone else suck the joy out of Christmas.  I refuse to not be in the Christmas spirit and to spend the last week or so fretting over what to get everyone.  Nope.  I have all year to think, plan, and execute and I have all intentions of making it my best and most thoughtful gift giving so far.  

So to bring a fitting end to 2013 the Lee girls put together a display of what can be expected if ever a zombie attack happened at our house.  Cute.  

And with that we bring 2013 to a close.  

There were many good things that happened over the past 12 months and it set the stage for a fantastic 2014.  

Its a First

She only looks cute.

Not really.  She is just as sweet as she is cute.  And even more energetic.  Which is why I am constantly telling Jessa to stop running.  Even more so than her big sister because Jessa is super tall and is growing super fast.  At barely 5yrs old (April baby) she is already wearing size 6 pants; and even they are beginning to look short.  Hubs may have been joking when he said it but I swear he may be right - that girl grows so fast her body doesn't have time to adjust to her new height, which is why she is so clumsy and always falling down.  Especially when she runs.

And the girl loves to run.

Our latest "stop running" incident happened at TKD on Monday.  As usual I picked the girls up from school and headed over to Jason Yi's.  They got changed and had a snack.  Ten minutes before class gave them about five minutes to run around the mat and burn off some of that energy before class starts - they have a lot of energy to burn and being cooped up in classes all day is such a downer.  But instead of running on the mat like they are supposed to Jessa chose the wood floor as her stomping ground.

As I stand to go retrieve the "Graduation" flyer I spotted I see a blur of Jessa streak past followed by a rather loud thud.  I didn't even have time to turn around before the crying and screaming started.  Of course when you have a child who is always running and always falling you begin to chalk it up as yet another "I told you so" moment.  And I did.

After hoisting her up off the floor and making her sit in the nearest chair I took a deep breath and went after that elusive flyer I had my eyes on before the screaming started.  By now I'm used to her over dramatic crying and screaming fits when she does something to hurt herself so I really just chalked it up as another Jessa moment.  But she just wouldn't stop crying.  After a few minutes I knew something was definitely wrong but there was no blood, no cuts, no bruising, and no swelling.  We were offered ice before but I turned it down because there were no signs of injury and I honestly thought she hurt her pride more than her body.  Little did I know.  I finally relented and got her the ice pack.

Twenty minutes passed and she finally relaxed enough to pass out.  That or she was so exhausted from the shock and pain  -  not to mention she may have hit her head and I didn't know it.  This was a possibility considering when I went to retrieve her from the floor her arms and head were crammed up against the metal framework of the glass front of TKD.  She only slept for a few minutes but it was enough to make her feel a little better.

After such a traumatic experience one would think a 5yr old girl would want to do little else, and although getting her to join her class was a no-go once we got home you wouldn't think she did anything to hurt herself.  Other than favoring her left hand she gave no indication she was hurting.  After some pain meds and an ace wrap she was more than ready for bed, and she passed out quite easily.  Looking back at it now I should have been more concerned she may have had a concussion.  Of course that was negated when she woke up screaming and crying later that night.  Apparently she rolled over on her wrist and it didn't feel too good.

It took me a while to get her calm again.  Some more pain meds and a quick drink; a snuggle and a kiss and off to dream land she went.

The next morning she was hurting but not so bad that she couldn't do anything so I sent her to school with her hand/arm wrapped and called her Dr to make an appt just to be on the safe side.  Good thing too.  As it turns out, based on the call I got today after her x-rays were reviewed, she has fractured her radius near the wrist and possibly the ulna as well.  Fantastic.

So after all those years of yelling at her to stop running or she will break a bone she finally did.  Fractured her first bone.  Oh well.  I suspect this will not be the only time our little ball of energy breaks or fractures something.  At least now we know - and by the way, hubs, I was right.  We DID need to keep it wrapped.

Hopefully the Ortho appt this afternoon will warrant a cast.  Not that I want a cast on her arm/hand, but given her level of energy and her ability to injure herself I'd rather have a cast on her now than have to deal with long term problems from the bones not healing properly.

A New Start

Ya know, I hate to say it, but I sure can screw things up around here.  Somehow I always seem to make mountains out of mole hills; take insignificant comments and make them a serious offense.  Sometimes I really hate myself.  Not that I hate me, but that I hate the things I do.  Worse yet - I hate that I am STILL not able to control my emotions.  Something I have been working on for months years.  There is progress to be seen but sometimes it seems like the mile of road I just drug myself down is still sitting in front of my feet.  Why, oh why do I continue doing this crap?

I am trying.  I will not give up.  I just hope I figure it out before I destroy my family, my children, and my own sanity.  I absolutely refuse to live my life as if I need meds just to be normal.  I am normal and I WILL find that calm loving normal life I have so-longed for.  Without the drama; without the arguments; without the passive aggressive silence.

Since I no longer have Facebook as an outlet (more on that in a moment) I have to find other ways to vent.  Ways that I can say what I feel without worrying MIL will run back to hubs with what I'm posting.  I've tried journals but when you're more afraid to write in them for fear of being read by your mother its a mute point.  But I need an outlet.  Creative as I am, and I love to make things, there is just no room in our finances for that.  I enjoy writing and I love being connected to the outside world but I cannot trust the MIL not to run back to hubs with the latest gossip on subjects that don't require his intervention or knowledge.  Hence the Facebook debacle...... there will be some beating around the bush here but I'll get to it.  I promise.


If there is one subject hubs and I go round and round about its jobs.  I've accepted it long ago that I will never get another chance at that dream job - the UA position, or something similar.  That boat sailed away long ago and I figured that out way too late.  But when you've worked your ass off all your life just to get ahead; when you've made sacrifice after sacrifice for most of your life; when you've gone from stocking shelves at the local janitorial supply company in po-dunk GA to being in charge of every aspect of the entire month's operations for 64 soldiers in a military company - its hard to face the music and open your eyes to the reality that is - I am 40+ years old.  I am under-educated.  I have been out of the work force for more than eight years.  The best employment opportunity I can hope for at this juncture is entry level, minimum wage jobs with corporations that care nothing of their employees.

Sorry.  Its a hard reality to swallow but it is the only reality left for me in the world of working.  I have had my resume on Monster.com since June 2011 and I've not gotten one single interview offer.  Not one.  Been on CareeerBuilder.com and Snagajob.com for almost as long.  Nothing.  I keep applying and they keep ignoring me.  Granted I haven't gone out of my way to do a massive scale job search but I have looked and in all honesty there are a thousand jobs I could do but because I don't hold some stupid sheet of paper that says "Yes, this individual was crazy enough to sink thousands of dollars into a college degree that she will probably never use" or "Yes, this fool is focused enough to commit to and finish four years of school" I cannot even get past the qualifications requirements.  I see these jobs a dime a dozen and I keep applying for them even though I know the answer will be "Yeah, right", but I keep applying and they keep passing me by.
John and I have had in depth conversations about the amount of salary I would need to bring in just to afford before/after care for the girls - that shit's expensive !!!  We have sat down and hashed out schedules of how to make things work so we could avoid the cost of paying someone else to raise our girls.  Truth is there are no jobs that I qualify for that will pay me what we need, and the jobs that do pay that well I sure as hell aren't qualified for.

So a while back I decided if I can't find a job to pay me what we need; one that is flexible enough to work with me around taking care of the girls; then I would start getting down to brass tacks on how to save as much money as possible.  I've gotten back into clipping coupons and that has been helpful.  One monthly trip to the stores scored me a net savings of $150+ on groceries.  SWEET !!!  I've searched out and found discounts for just about every possible thing we could use and I've stopped spending $$ if I didn't have to.  The girls lunches were streamlined to make it easier for them to pick out what items they wanted to have each day and I found suitable substitutes for items they wanted but are more expensive.  I've started shopping dollar stores and discount stores for off brand groceries and thankfully, the absolute biggest way I found to save money was by using BJ's coupons at Giant.  THAT is an amazing amount of savings.

But things were still tight and when you get a bill saying the taxes on one of the three vehicles you own is more than $500 you can't help but feel your heart sink.  All that work to save money has just been negated for one unexpected bill.  So you start thinking - there just has to be another way to make/save money.  So I started posting stuff on FB to sell on the local yard sale sights.  And it was working.  I was unloading some of the stuff from the girls past years and making some extra cash on the side.  Granted it wasn't a lot but it was something.  Then one day I get a request for me to meet two ladies in the next town over so they can go through all my girls clothes.  It was an opportunity to make something big happen and I woke up excited.

I packed the car with every article of clothing I had.  Sent the girls off to school and hit the road.  All the way there I kept thinking "I sure hope this isn't a waste."  "I sure hope I can make at least $25."  Imagine my surprise when these two ladies offered up $60 for what was the equivalent of $30 worth of yard sale clothing?  I WAS ECSTATIC.  Bouncing off the walls happy.  I managed to unload a ton of stuff and make a chunk of change in the process.  I headed back with the rest of my stuff, stopping at the local dollar store to stock up on Halloween candy and decor (my thought was I don't spend what I don't make).

That evening when the kids got home they were super active.  As usual every five seconds it was "mommy", "mommy", "mommy".  Talk about fingers on a chalkboard.  Then hubs shows up (I never know when he will be walking though the door).  All I can think about is how much money I made today and I couldn't wait to share the news.  So imagine how it felt when you husband makes the comment "Well, only one of us has a job."

Wow.

Sudden and unexpected deflation.  It was like standing on the bow of the Titanic watching the blades of the turbine below.  No matter what I did I was always going to end up in the worst case scenario.


Of course my uncontrollable reaction is instant anger.  How the fuck dare he make such a comment?  Its not like I haven't been looking.  Its not like we haven't talked about this situation a thousand times over, and yet he is still peeved at the idea that I'm home, supposedly doing nothing, while everything lies on his shoulders.

Normally I would have gone off the deep end - yelling at him and the girls, throwing things, stomping around the house in a fit of anger.  But not this time.  I silently walked away.  Dinner finished I chose not to eat - seriously, I can't be around someone after they've pissed me off like that.  Instead I focused on cleaning house.  Hubs was ticked and clearly it had to be that the house wasn't clean.  Ok, decision made.  He has this twisted notion that I do nothing around here so its time to show him just what I do when he's not here - what I take care of.

A set of index cards and a pen and a roll of tape.  Each card was used to post an upcoming event - the girls TaeKwonDo schedule, the girls cheerleading schedule, field trips for the girls, etc - everything happening that I have always taken care of made it onto an index card stuck to the refrigerator door.  Paperwork that needed to be read, signed, returned was piled on the island counter.  I even went as far as to tell myself that regardless of what job I got; regardless of what schedule I would work that I was no longer going to worry and fret about how the girls were going to get to their appointments or even how they were going to get to or from school, or who was going to take care of them when I'm not home.  For years now I have passed up jobs that I knew would have no option for flexibility to ensure I could get the girls on the bus in the morning and off the bus in the afternoon.

I have gone as far as politely forcing my foot into the door of other peoples businesses in hopes of landing a job.  Even volunteered to take on a teaching job for free if it meant getting back into the work force, and here I am a year later.  Waiting for any of those things to come through.  Nothing.  I give and give and I've not gotten anything back.  Not a thing.  What I did get was the equivalent of a swift open handed face slap from the hubs because "I don't have a job."  Yeah.  I know.

The silent treatment went on all night and wouldn't you know it, the girls decided that would be a good time to see which buttons to push on mommy.  So instead of going to and staying in bed so I could get online and submit applications to any damn job available, they opt to play; to go back and forth from each others room.  At 9pm I make them come down stairs and sit in their favorite seats next to the fireplace.  Actually they hate those seats more than a swift pop on the butt.  And instead of leaving the situation alone at that they started taking verbal jabs at me.  "I hate you".  "I wish I had another mommy."  "I want a mommy who isn't mean."

And I blew it.  Fine.  You want another mommy so bad go tell daddy you want me gone.  Go tell your daddy I am not your mommy and be sure to tell him you hate me because I tried to make you go to bed.  I'm done.  Don't even care if you hate me.  I'm through giving you everything and getting this crap in return.  I'm the one who took you to baseball games.  I'm the one who got you into the pageants.  I'm the one who made your interview outfits and your other clothes.  I'm the one who searched for weeks for your formal dress.  I'm the one who takes you places during the summer.  I'm the one who sits down with you and helps you with homework.  I'm the one who is trying to teach you how to ride your bike without training wheels.  I'm the one who cooks, cleans, and does the laundry.  I'm the one whose spent weeks planning and creating your Halloween costumes.  I'm the one who decorates for the holidays.  I'm the one who bakes all those cookies.  So if all you can do is hate me in return then I'll be sure to not do any of that anymore.

Oh, and you can pack your own lunches for school.  Got PE ?  Hope you know when because I'm not telling you when you need to wear your tennis shoes.  Hope you can figure out how to read a weather report 'cause I'm not telling you how to dress so you're not too hot or cold.  Back to school night ?  Hope your daddy knows because I'm not going.  I'm not doing anything else other than what I absolutely have to.  Sure hope you two and your daddy can figure out how much of your lives I help run smoothly before its too late because I'm tired of being everyone's punching bag and I'm not taking it any more.  So when I DO find a job I'm not going to worry about how you're getting from school to TKD or if anyone is going to be at the bus stop to pick you up.  I'm not going to worry about your homework getting done and I'm not going to care that you have no clean clothes.  Need clean undies and socks - better figure out how to do your own laundry or have your daddy do it for you.

THAT is how angry I get.  I really do get sick of being taken for granted.

I truly do love doing things for my girls and I seriously would give anything to give them the opportunities that I never had, but at some point all that giving takes a toll and I just have nothing else left.

Where have I been?

Right here.  Just been really, REALLY busy trying to get the girls ready for back to school.

I've been trying to get some sewing done this year for the girls so here is my latest creation.

I found this pick online and at first glance thought it was shorter in front.  So using some of the beautiful wolf faux fur material the girls picked out on clearance a while back I threw together a few pieces from different patterns and tried to create this.

And with that said here's what I just finished making last night for Samantha.

Grainy cell phone pics.  Sorry.  

Cute?  She thinks so.  So much so that she wanted to put it on this morning.  Ha.  It may be a little chillier than normal around here today but no where near cold enough for a fur jacket.

Today I'll be spending the majority of the morning trying to put together a coat or jacket, or shawl for Jessa.  She is coming into her own style so it will be different from Samantha's but I'll be using the same material.  Add to that the fact that I have a TON of material to use for shirts, sweaters, shorts, pants, vests, jackets and more, and you can see why I've been a little absent lately.

One thing I do need to do is update our 101 list.  Lets see if there was anything interesting we did over the past couple of weeks.....

DONE:
#31   play on a playground
#38  go to a movie theater
#42  camp out in our own backyard / living room 
#50  go to a bounce house

#55  ride bikes
#76  volunteer

#92  review pre-k / 1st grade lessons
#93     preview K/2nd grade lessons

#94   put up a trophy shelf in the girls rooms
#95  do a pageant
#96   do a book report every week

See?  We have been busy.  I just need to do a better job of updating my blog.

UPDATE 

After much contemplation I decided to change Samantha's coat into a jacket by chopping off the bottom of the back.  Much better.  And with Jessa's jacket finished they are now ready for any cold days come this fall and winter.

Next up - working on my first maxi-skirt for myself.  Yep.  I'm going to sew myself something.  Who woulda thunk it?  LOL.

Some people should never be parents

Normally I don't voice my opinion as to someone's personal parenting style because, well, lets face it, we all parent differently and every kid is different.  What works for one family may not work at all for another, so unless there is some sort of obvious neglect or abuse happening I just let parents parent the way they see fit.

That said I really think some people should never have had kids.

I used to babysit for a neighbor.  She was sweet enough and her husband was always quite but that baby of theirs was another story completely.  She cried and screamed all the time, refused to eat solids when it came time, and gave me the hardest time when trying to get her to take a bottle (mom breast fed).  Honestly the poor child spent more time alone because that seemed to be when she was happiest.  So when it was nap time I'd put a few toys in the bed with her and when she woke up she would just sit and play.  I always felt bad because it seemed like no matter how hard I tried I just could not make her happy.  As it turned out (and I found out strictly by accident) the entire time she was suffering with massive ear infections.  So bad they had to put tubes in her ears.  Poor baby.  Now I really do feel bad for her.

Then one day, out of the blue her mom says she is pulling "G" to put her in a real school environment.  I was completely shocked as when we started that venture she had agreed that when it came time for her to pull G she would give me some advanced notice.  But to show up on a Thursday and tell me Friday will be her last day - not advanced enough.  At first I was disappointed.  I loved G even if she was rarely happy.  After a while I was thankful I no longer had to listen to her constant whaling, and was grateful to know peace was restored.

I haven't talked to G's mom or dad since they pulled her but I do on occasion check out mom's blog just to see how G is doing.  That's how I found out about the ear infections and tubes.  That's also why I say some people have no business be parents.

This week I checked in to see how G was doing and what I read on mom's blog was so offensive I was appalled for G.  Mom, who is a complete fashion whore (and I mean that with the upmost respect) actually had the audacity to call her two year old daughter an "asshole."  SERIOUSLY ??  An asshole?

Isn't that the child you tried so hard to have you nearly went bankrupt with medical procedure after procedure   Isn't this the child you wanted so bad you cried because she wasn't here yet?  Isn't she the daughter you wanted so you could dress her up and make her look like a mini-you?  So what the hell would possess you to call her an asshole.  Worse yet, why would you do it on a public blog, knowing good and well when G grows up she is going to read that for herself?

How could one person be so offensive?  Especially to her own child.  Then I thought about all the posts I see her blog about - fashion, me, me, me, G, fashion, me, me, me.  This mommy is about the most selfish person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.  Ever.  Every day its a post of pic after pic of herself in some new outfit (OMG....can you PLEASE pic a different pose for once).  Only on Tuesdays is there any real reference to G and when you see pics of G she is always dressed like a baby.

Ok, I get it.  Rompers are cute.  ON INFANTS.  If you are still dressing your 2+ year old daughter in rompers while obsessively posting pics of yourself in new outfits one has to wonder if you are feeling threatened that G may cuter than you are.  And if your posts about G include such derogatory comments as calling her an asshole because she isn't cooperating with your selfish need to party all night long with you college buddies then we really have to question why in the hell did you have a kid in the first place?  If all you are going to do is whine about how awful G is; how obnoxious G is; how rude G is then maybe you shouldn't have had a baby.  Especially when you had to break the bank to get one.

All I can say is for all your whining; all your sad stories of desperation and hopelessness; all those tales of how unfulfilled you were without a child you sure as hell don't treat her like she is your everything.

I'm not the perfect mother.  Nor will I ever proclaim to be, but clearly anyone can tell my girls are my life.  I would give them anything I could if it meant they were happy and healthy.  And yes, I do get upset at my daughters.  I even yell on occasion; however, I would never call either one of them an asshole and I sure as hell wouldn't publish it in a public blog for the world to see.

I truly feel sorry for G.  One day she will read all those nasty, selfish, and hateful things her mother wrote about her.  One day she will realize that not only did her mother disrespect her and treat her like crap publicly but that she was disgraced by her own mother internationally.

Not even my mother was that cruel, but like I said; some people should never be parents.  Especially when they are so self-absorbed and selfish that they feel their own child warrants such disrespect on a public forum.

That said, I am going to hug both my girls; tuck them in their own beds; kiss them; tell them how much I love them both; let them know they are my world.  Because truth be told - they are my world.

National American Miss Virginia State Finalist - Princess Jessica

Can you believe it?  Only 5 weeks left til the wee ones are back in school?  My baby will be in kindergarten.  Where did all that time go?  How is it possible that five years have passed by so quickly?

And Samantha?  Second grade?  Really?  Wow.  I miss my babies but I sure do love my girls.


Speaking of my girls........how's this for cute?

Jessica, age 5yrs, competed 2013 

    

                                                                           Samantha, age 6yrs, competed 2012                                                                                                            

Aren't they adorable?


The NAM pageant this year was a lot less stressful than it was last year, but then again Jessica didn't participate in any of the optionals so we weren't running around like wild women trying to change outfits every 20 minutes.

Friday morning began with the group photo then the dance routine practice.  The princesses danced to the Barbie Mermaid song and I gotta say, it was super cute.  Only issue was Jessa couldn't seem to keep up with the rest of the girls so she was slower in her transitions from one move to the next.  But, she was still surprisingly good, especially considering I truly thought she would shut down on me and refuse to learn anything or participate in anything.  So kudos to my baby for sticking with it no matter what.



That afternoon we got her Red Carpet photo taken then off to the Escorted Formal Wear competition.  Since daddy couldn't attend we requested a volunteer escort and she got a really sweet guy who kept her calm.  She was fantastic !!! Did her walk exactly like we practiced, pretty toes, circle turn, and kept her head up - only glitch was she didn't have a beautiful smile but that's probably because she was somewhat afraid.  Still she was awesomely beautiful and graceful.


After the formal wear came the Personal Introductions.  Here is where I thought for sure we would lose her, but low and behold she surprised me yet again.  Other than not being as loud as she needed to be and a slight hesitation to get started, she was incredibly confident.  Man, does that girl shine on stage.

Saturday brought about the interview.  Since I wasn't allowed to watch or listen this was the hardest part for me because I simply could not "coach" her on how to properly answer the judges questions.  All I could do was prepare her for some of the questions they might have asked and hope she answered them with full responses and was able to keep the conversation flowing.  I will never really know how well she did in this category but I have a sneaky suspicion it wasn't her best area.

So with everything behind up except the finale Saturday was fairly leisurely.  We checked out of the room around noon, met up with hubs, Mama Lue, and Papa, and managed to grab some lunch before the excitement began.  And when it was her turn to walk across that stage with her State Finalist trophy she did it with such poise and grace you would have thought she was a pro instead of a newby.  She even smiled beautifully.

Although, as any mother will say, my daughter was a perfect pick for the top 10 the judges had other ideas.  And even though she didn't get any additional trophies or ribbons we are still so extremely excited and proud of our little baby.  Knowing how very shy and reserved she is and how hard it was just to get her to open up to her TaeKwonDo instructors and classmates, even after four months, watching Jessica perform on stage, in front of hundreds of complete strangers, was one of the most amazing experiences I could have ever had.



I will not lie - pageants can be expensive and this one was more than we wanted to spend, but given the opportunity to do it again I think we will probably encourage both girls to enter every year we can afford it.  That is why this year, knowing both girls will get a return invite to compete next year, we are going to start looking for sponsors early.  And we are going to pump up their resume's with lots of volunteer work this year.

               

Crowns provided by Mama Lue and Papa.  Heck, they both deserved something special !!

I have already managed to land them both an opportunity to provide lunches for our local Habitat for Humanity once a month.  Hopefully we can find other opportunities to get the girls involved with charities as well as doing some fund raising events.  Add to that the deep-seated desire to get both of them started in Girl Scouts this year and as long as finances hold out we are going to be doing everything we can to really give the girls the best opportunities to take home a few awards, maybe a banner or a cash prize; but most importantly - the insight to learning how lucky they both are to have all they have.

Years ago I wanted to get involved with some charities but since Samantha was just a baby I couldn't find anything that would let me have her with me.  Then Jessica came along and the age restrictions were still in place.  When we moved from GA to VA I looked again but still couldn't find anything that would allow two small children to help out.  Now they are slightly older I am hopeful there will be more opportunities to get involved.  It is my hope that by getting them involved in community service that maybe they will better appreciate what they have, be more compassionate towards those who do not have, and become better positioned later in life for some returns on their "investments".  In other words, start opening those doors now so its not so hard trying to pry them open later in life.

This school year is going to be hectic.  I am hoping to have the girls in Girl Scouts; they will be continuing TaeKwonDo; participating in local charities; volunteering in community services; and hopefully they will be doing good/great in school so we can avoid any necessary tutors (especially in Samantha's case).

Well, that's it.  Our beautiful girls are both NAM Princesses.  Sure, they don't have the official crowns but they were both deserving of one.


And with that I'm off to mow the lawn, refill prescriptions, call my dentist (damn it, this appliance isn't fitting right), clean the house, and get caught up on laundry all before trying to figure out what needs to be done for delivering lunch to Habitat for Humanity on Thursday.  And, Samantha has a birthday party to attend on Saturday.  Oh so much to be done.

Wow. That was quick.

We managed to get home much earlier than I had expected so I have a few minutes to post some pics of Jessa at NAM.

While we were waiting to get Jessica registered the girls posed in front of the NAM banner at the Hyatt Regency in Reston VA.

Jessica got to meet the current NAM Virginia State Princess - Sara.  The two quickly became pals as everywhere Sara went Jessica was sure to follow.  She even stuck by her side during the workshop.

Once we finally got registered we headed over to get the production outfit and we scored Jessica's State Finalist banner.  Congrats baby.  We are so proud of you.  Just look at that smile.

With registration behind us we had a couple of hours to hang out.  Dinner at Panera Bread then some time to play by the water fountain.

Even Samantha was having a good time.

The workshop was an eye opener as it showed me Jessica is still quite shy, but here's hoping she is warming up to getting up on stage and being in the spotlight.  We had a good day.  A long day.  The ride home was a quick one and now the girls are pounding some zz's while I do some last minute packing for tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the introduction and formal wear.  Saturday she will do the personal interview before the finale.  I don't expect much to come of this other than for Samantha to learn how to support her sister without always doing or getting at the same time, and for Jessica to learn to be strong and believe in herself.  Hopefully she will gain some self confidence this weekend.

Best of luck baby girl.  Trophy, crown, or nothing at all - you are now, and always will be mommy's and daddy's princess.

Quick Sew

Had to create a couple of outfits for Jessica to wear this week at casual times during the pageant.  Started with the dress she and Samantha will wear tomorrow during registration.  Remember I made Samantha's dress two weeks ago but I had enough material left over to do one for Jessa - just doesn't have the sleeves but with a nice flower to match it looks pretty cute.  

Of course I was so inspired by that dress that I decided to make her a skirt using the reversible fabric we found a few weeks ago.  SUPER CUTE.

Ok, so now that she has a new pencil skirt and a new casual dress I can get to cleaning.  Something I started but never seem to be able to stay on task with.

Oh well.  Sewing is much more fun.