I Can Handle This

Today is the first day of the third week I am back in the work environment and what a huge adjustment it is.

I used to think being single and working was easy.  Then I got married and had kids; became a stay at home mom.  That was one of the biggest changes I have undergone and it took a long time to get really comfortable with that role.  Now I am a working mom and I am struggling to adjust to yet more changes.

Dinner is no longer on the table when John wants it.  I don't get to spend near enough time with the girls.  The house is a mess.  Laundry is overwhelming.  Can't remember the last time I scrubbed a toilet.  And I have all but given up on the idea of giving the hardwood floors a decent mopping.  

For as hard as I thought being a SAHM was, being a working wife and mother is nine times harder.  Schedules are harder to flex.  John still expects me to do everything.  The girls are always needing me in some way or another.  All the demands I had before are still there and now I'm dealing with less time to do them all in.

So when hubs gets his panties in a wad because I won't drop what I'm doing to appease his needs it really irks me.  I mean, really, irks me.  Given that he is always reminding me of the things that are not getting done you would think when he sees me actually doing something he would be less apt to interrupt me or to start acting like an invalid who is completely incapable of doing something for himself.  Why must I always be the one who knows everything?

If it is so important to know if the pets are fed then get off the damn computer game and pay attention to someone or something around the house.  If the lack of clean clothes bothers you then get off your arse and start a load of laundry.

I'm not saying he hasn't done anything since I started back at work, but what he has done isn't nearly a third of what he still holds me accountable for.  Sure, he vacuumed the floors and did a load of laundry; has kept the kitchen pretty clean, but these are only a few of the things I have been doing for 10+ years.  So unless he plans on taking on the finances, paying bills, doing the taxes, helping the girls with their homework every night, etc- then I am not going to apologize when I lose it because I'm stressed out.

So here I am, week three; stressed beyond belief.  I got up and made hubs breakfast before sending him out the door.  I've packed the girls lunches.  Packed my lunch.  Gotten ready for work.  Prepared the girls for the day.  Did a load of laundry.  Found their TKD uniforms and set the bag up, ready to go for tonight.  Gathered the trash to set outside.  Fed the pets.  I even found time to vent online.  All this in just two hours.

I have no idea what time he got up - usually somewhere between midnight and 3am - but to my knowledge I am not seeing any recognizable contribution on his part this morning to ensure today goes as smoothly as possible for ALL involved - not just himself.  He didn't feed himself.  He didn't pack my lunch or lunch for the girls.  He didn't feed the pets.  So what exactly did he do for someone other than himself?

I have no idea.  And THAT is why I will not apologize for snapping under the pressure of trying to adjust to life as a working wife and mother.

Wait.......I take it back.  He DID do something for someone else.  He let his dog out.

Maybe, just maybe, if he was as committed to me and the girls as he is to that damn dog then maybe, maybe I wouldn't be so pissed off today.

But its okay.  I can handle this.  I always do.